2 types of infidelity & the healing that comes afterward
The two main types of infidelity are physical and emotional. What generally defines cheating is anything that violates the agreed upon boundaries of your relationship and results in a breach of trust.
It is important to note that in some relationships, certain behaviors outside of the relationship may be considered within the bounds of the relationship. Some couples have open sexual relationships or enjoy the idea of their partners flirting or leading on others. But the key element to what is considered infidelity is secrecy. The breach of trust comes from one partner doing something with someone outside the relationship that the other partner has not consented to.
Physical infidelity can include (with someone other than your partner):
Intercourse
Other sexual acts, like oral sex, kissing, touching sexually/romantically
Flirting, sharing food or drinks, conversing closely, whispering
Spending one on one time - working out together, going to lunch regularly, traveling for work unnecessarily
Talking or messaging about sexual or physical affection
Sending nude or sexual videos and pictures
Phone/video sex and sexting
Emotional infidelity can include (with someone other than your partner):
Confiding in someone else
Seeking comfort or emotional support
Discussing discontent or complaints about your partner
Increasing personal closeness with someone naturally in your life (work/volunteer relationships, trainers/coaches, religious connects, other parents or friends’ spouses you’re in contact with a lot because of children’s activities or social gatherings)
High volume of texts, phone calls, emails
Fantasy-like conversation about what it would be like to leave current relationships and be together
Inappropriate terms of endearment with outside person, “miss you” “sweet dreams” “babe”
With emotional infidelity, there can be romantic or sexual undertones to the conversation and connection, but not always. The fact that there is intimacy and closeness with another person that is kept secret from the partner is enough to breach trust and seriously endanger the relationship.
The main difference between physical and emotional infidelity in terms of healing is that often the unfaithful partner will be more defensive of and denying of an emotional affair. It is much more difficult to defend physical affairs, especially when there is explicit evidence. The emotionally unfaithful partner tends to justify and downplay the relationship because they are “just friends” and “it’s not cheating because it’s not sexual.”
With either type of infidelity, denial by the unfaithful partner makes it much harder and less likely for healing to happen. It is imperative for them to acknowledge and fully own the breach of trust regardless of what has been causing dissatisfaction in the relationship. If this ownership doesn’t happen, there is no reason for the betrayed partner to believe the infidelity is over or won’t happen again.
