Aspera blog
Finding Peace in the Chaos: How to Manage Holiday Stress
The holiday season can be a time of joy, celebration, and connection—but it can also be a significant source of stress. This year in particular has been a time of high emotions and conflict for many families. Family dynamics are being exasperated by a lot of division and uncertainty in our world. While the scope of things we can’t control can feel overwhelming, there are some things within our control that we can focus our energy on.
Narcissism – Can They Change?
Categorizing someone as a narcissist, while it may free you from being the victim of their issues, is not always an accurate label. Narcissism exists on a spectrum – from someone with narcissistic personality traits, to someone with the diagnosable Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The most dangerous form is called malignant narcissism.
Self-Care Is More Than Just Getting a Massage- Read for Some Tips!
Self-care has received a lot of attention over the last several years and yet when I ask people if they have been taking care of themselves, the answer I often get is something like, “I mean I got a massage last week.” And sometimes that is the answer at best. Learning to take care of yourself is much more about cultivating and practice of self reflection rather than a list of things you can do to pamper yourself – and of course we recommend pampering yourself whenever possible too. ;)
Codependency Patterns and How to Break Them
“We rescue people from their responsibilities. We take care of people’s responsibilities for them. Later we get mad at them for what we’ve done. Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves. That is the pattern, the triangle.” -Melody Beattie Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.
The Influence of Porn on Relationships
The scope of pornography has become much larger in recent years. For decades, it was limited to romance novels, print magazines, and 42nd street films. Then films became more accessible and pay-per-view, but then all of a sudden, the internet happened and accessibility, range and volume skyrocketed.
The Power of Our Thoughts
Our thoughts matter. As therapists, we are consistently talking to clients about being kind to themselves, having self-compassion and loving and nurturing ourselves. There is actual research* that shows that uplifting and encouraging messages can change the molecular structure of water… on average the human body is 60% water. Our thoughts and feelings toward ourselves literally have the ability to change the way we feel and the state of our bodies.
Divorcing a Narcissist
Dealing with a narcissist is all about having good boundaries. What better boundary is there than divorce? You end up with a legal agreement that spells out the terms of your boundaries. But what about what it takes to actually get to that agreement?
Holding People Accountable for Their Actions
People will often come to therapy and describe being in a relationship that they would never recommend being in to someone they love. Yet, they have slowly made excuses over the years for that person's behavior. “Well, he didn’t mean it. He had a really rough childhood.” “What is my part in this?” “I can’t be angry at my parents because they didn’t have a good childhood or were more abused than I was.” These are all really common phrases to justify someone's bad behavior in a relationship.
The Aftermath of Infidelity
The aftermath of infidelity is really lonely – and it totally sucks. Experiencing infidelity is incredibly complex and often people are left feeling alone and unsupported at a time that is incredibly painful and lonely to begin with.
EMDR is a Wonderful Tool and Hard Work!
There has been a growing body of research over the last 3 decades affirming the effectiveness of EMDR therapy for a host of mental health struggles. The benefits of EMDR are incredible and growing in scope as we continue to study its efficacy.
Asymmetrical vs. Symmetrical Relationships and Narcissism
Narcissism is such a hot topic these days. The way we use narcissism is not just the full-blown, no empathy and no ability to change kind. We consider all forms of narcissism as it exists on a spectrum and people can change if they are willing! One of the ways to conceptualize ourselves and our relationships is using this and other spectrums, like codependency, to understand how we show up in relationships and what we’re paired with or attracted to in our partners.
Healing through Storytelling
When we experience a traumatic or overwhelming event, our brains are not able to integrate the experience the way it does in a state of calm. The memory may end up feeling foggy and fragmented, or certain aspects of the memory might feel really vivid, almost like you are relieving it while losing other parts of what happened.
Attachment Styles: A Summary
As humans, we need to be attached to others in order to thrive. Studies have shown that being attached to a partner in a healthy and stable relationship lowers your blood pressure and can add years to your life. Likewise, staying in an unhappy relationship will raise your blood pressure and threaten your health and longevity.
Male Depression: Overt and Covert
As we mentioned last week, men account for 80% of suicides. But men are also much less likely to admit struggling with their mental health and to seek help for it.
Narcissistic Abuse: When Men Are the Victims
When most of us think of a narcissist, we think of a man. But men can also be the victims of narcissistic abuse. Their perpetrators can still be men, like their fathers, bosses or partners, but anyone can be narcissistically abusive and anyone can be a victim of narcissistic abuse.
How PTSD & Narcissistic Relationships Go Hand in Hand
“For the narcissist – reality is an aggression.” — Dr. Frank Yeomans
Communication Styles in Relationships
Communication is a common pitfall for relationships. We all have different ways of engaging in different circumstances and when we are faced with miscommunications or outright disagreement and conflict, our nervous systems become on high alert and often result in our communication styles betraying our true intentions.
Common Misconceptions about Meditation
There seems to be this idea that being good at meditation is being able to sit for long periods of time and fully clear your mind. This is not the case and often makes people give up on meditation before they even give themselves the opportunity to benefit from it. Meditation is more about shifting our awareness to a state of curiosity than it is about emptying our mind.
Divorcing a Narcissist: Challenges and Tips
Making the decision to divorce a narcissist is hard enough in and of itself. You have likely already been through years of gaslighting and emotional abuse causing you to question your sanity and becoming a shell of the person you once were. If you have made the choice to leave- congratulations. You are doing an amazing job and have come really far in order to get here.
The Power of Saying No
So you’ve realized you’re codependent and now you’re not sure what to do about it? Codependency happens when we take on responsibility for others’ feelings. This is accompanied by an abandonment of our own feelings.