Divorcing a Narcissist: Challenges and Tips
Making the decision to divorce a narcissist is hard enough in and of itself. You have likely already been through years of gaslighting and emotional abuse causing you to question your sanity and becoming a shell of the person you once were. If you have made the choice to leave- congratulations. You are doing an amazing job and have come really far in order to get here.
The hard part is there is still a long road ahead which often is cruel in light of all you have already been through. There are a few important things to consider when divorcing a narcissist.
Build a strong support system that understands you are not dealing with a reasonable person and this process is not going to be like a typical divorce.
If possible, get solid legal representation that is going to advocate for you and not get sucked into the endless back and forth that is likely coming your way.
Take care of yourself as often as you can. Choosing to leave is the ultimate boundary you can set with a narcissist and it often will come with a huge wave of punishment from them as you are choosing to remove yourself from being their supply.
The process will likely be longer than a standard divorce and you will likely need to not engage in every battle.
Be prepared for backlash and manipulation including trying to get your children, family, and friends against you and for them to be seen as the victim.
Have frequent reminders from books, friends, and/or your therapist that you are not crazy. You are making the decision to leave because you have been abused for years or maybe even decades. This is a crazy making process that is hard to maintain clarity about until you are out of it so the more often you can remind yourself that you are not a bad person and you are not crazy the better.
You might find yourself questioning your decision to divorce as often things will get even harder than before for a period of time because you are holding a strong boundary. The fact that you are being punished so severely for this is the reason you are leaving! Know this will one day be over and you will be able to build a meaningful life for yourself that you have always deserved. Here is your reminder that there is life on the other side. We are rooting for you!
