The Power of Saying No

So you’ve realized you’re codependent and now you’re not sure what to do about it? Codependency happens when we take on responsibility for others’ feelings. This is accompanied by an abandonment of our own feelings.

As with any self-growth, self-awareness is the first step, which means you need to be able to notice when you’re doing the thing. In the case of codependency, the thing is when you are putting others' feelings in front of your own. A simple example is saying “yes” when you really want to say “no.”

Learning how to say “no” is a massive learning curve for those of us with codependency issues. “No” is a boundary. Codependents are not good at setting boundaries because boundaries require honoring ourselves over others. A crucial part of establishing our boundaries is being able to listen to our true selves and accessing feelings that have been buried for a long time under our codependency. It’s only when we start healing our codependent part that we can hear our true feelings.

We all deserve to have a voice and your voice doesn’t have to always say “yes” in order to have value. You can start to heal by noticing when you’re doing the thing, having compassion for that codependent part of you that feels compelled to do the thing, and then warmly asking that part to take a seat so your true feelings can come to light. It’s then your job to advocate for your true feelings through your actions — say “no.”