Male Depression: Overt and Covert
As we mentioned last week, men account for 80% of suicides. But men are also much less likely to admit struggling with their mental health and to seek help for it.
Male depression shows up in one of two ways: overt and covert.
“Overt depression is violence endured. Covert depression is violence deflected.” – Terry Real
Overt depression looks like what we typically think of about depression — sadness, lethargy, lack of motivation, and loss of enjoyment. But covert depression is like a defense to the symptoms of depression. And for men in our society, these defensive behaviors are more acceptable than the typical symptoms of depression.
Covert depression can look like these four defenses: acting out, violence, self-medicating and sex.
Acting out involves behaviors that will have consequences, but you rationalize them anyway, such as coming home late without calling even though your wife will be mad at you, buying things you can’t afford, and making promises and not keeping them.
Violence is any outburst of rage. The large categories are domestic violence and fistfights, but it can also be smaller displays of frustration, like yelling, punching a wall or throwing your phone — and it usually doesn’t take a lot to get you there.
Self-medicating is using drugs or alcohol to help you cope, like at the end of a stressful day to help you calm down, or to help you wind down to go to sleep. This is different from regular substance use because it’s used with the intention of solving your problem.
Sex can also be a form of self-medication with your partner or multiple partners. You might use sex as a coping mechanism in response to stress, rather than a way of connecting.
While these behaviors are not exclusive to men, it is important to recognize that male depression might take on these symptoms rather than the overt and typical symptoms of depression. It’s with these behaviors that men try to run from their pain. It is not until they are brave enough to turn and face it that they are able to heal.
