Narcissistic Abuse: When Men Are the Victims
When most of us think of a narcissist, we think of a man. But men can also be the victims of narcissistic abuse. Their perpetrators can still be men, like their fathers, bosses or partners, but anyone can be narcissistically abusive and anyone can be a victim of narcissistic abuse.
This month is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. Men make up 49% of the population, but account for 80% of suicides. It’s important for all of us to be aware that men struggle with their mental health and suffer as victims of abuse.
Childhood narcissistic abuse, if gone unhealed, can show up in adult relationships in two ways: they may become the abuser or become dependent on an abuser. Many men become narcissistic because they were subjected to narcissistic abuse as children, but likewise, they can become dependent on their abusers and then end up in abusive relationships later on.
There are two types of narcissistic behaviors: overt and covert. Overt narcissistic behavior is somewhat easy to spot – grandiose, selfish, destructive. Overt narcissistic parents see their children as an extension of themselves. This looks like forcing them to achieve and then taking the praise of their achievements. When the child does not perform, affection is withdrawn. This results in a cycle of idealization and devaluation.
Covert narcissistic behavior is not as obvious – it appears loving and charming, but there is jealousy and resentment underneath. Covert narcissistic parents may appear weak, making their abuse really difficult to see. They express aggression in passive ways, making the child feel responsible for their feelings and fostering the child’s dependency on them. Because their egos are so fragile, they will withdraw affection when the child’s achievements surpass their own and retaliate with silent treatments or sulking.
However narcissistic abuse shows up, it’s important to remember that abusive behavior is not only carried out by men and that men can also be, and frequently are, the victims.
