Breaking Free from the Narcissistic Cycle

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be extremely traumatic. Narcissistic abuse is an insidious and crazy-making cycle that keeps the relationship sick and seriously injures the victim’s sense of self-worth.

Often victims of narcissistic abuse experienced narcissistic abuse in childhood as well. Parents or caretakers who treat their family members like pawns for their own selfish agendas are narcissistic. If you were made to feel responsible for your parent’s feelings and ok-ness then you grew up with a narcissistic parent. 

Your nervous system is then already wired to find a narcissistic partner familiar and thereby be attracted to these relationships. 

The cycle of abuse in a relationship with a narcissist includes:

An intense beginning

Love bombing with lots of attention and affection

Devaluing

Discarding

REPEAT

The result of this cycle is doubting your self-worth and even your sanity. Your nervous system has become so accustomed to uncertainty that you are always on high alert, walking on eggshells and wondering what will happen next. 

If you break free of the relationship, it will take some time to work through the complex trauma this cycle has inflicted. You won’t be able to trust anything at first - others, yourself, your instincts. The self-doubt and shame will be palpable. Recognizing, especially the connection to your likely childhood experience, that these relationships happened TO you and that you were not deserving of that treatment is an imperative step in your recovery. You are not weak, they are abusive.