Common misconceptions about narcissism and codependency
Narcissism and codependency are hot topics in today’s world. The good thing about that is– as a society, we are more interested than ever in learning about ourselves and our relationships. The downside is that often these terms can be misused and misunderstood. Here are some common misconceptions and what we want you to know instead.
Narcissism is NOT:
Anytime someone does something selfish.
Anytime someone prioritizes their needs or wants over yours.
Someone who demonstrates a strong sense of self-esteem.
Someone who is good at asserting themselves and seems confident.
It is always important to remember that someone with narcissistic tendencies and a full-blown narcissist are not the same thing. Narcissism exists on a spectrum. While some of the above list could feel like red flags, it is important to be able to distinguish the difference between healthy and unhealthy or relational and nonrelational behavior.
For instance, there is a healthy level of selfishness. Think of putting their oxygen mask on first. Putting their needs or wants ahead of others sometimes means they are able to prioritize themselves. If they consistently put themselves first, especially with no regard for others, there’s a problem.
Additionally, healthy self-esteem should look like they believe they are no better and no worse than anyone else. Demonstrating confidence and asserting themselves falls in line with believing they are worthy but not at anyone else’s expense. It is when they assert themselves or behave in a way that belittles and degrades others that is a red flag.
Codependency is NOT:
Anyone who seems needy or clingy.
Anyone who seems weak.
Anyone who is always with their romantic partner.
Anyone who is in a relationship with an addict.
Codependency is on the other side of the spectrum from narcissism. While narcissism looks selfish, codependency looks selfless. Narcissism looks like blatant self-prioritization, codependency looks like other-prioritization to the detriment of self.
None of the items on this list are inherently bad or unhealthy, but the spectrum of codependency becomes dangerous in that the more codependent you are, the more negatively your life will be impacted. You can be needy or even want to be with your romantic partner all the time. But to what extent? Are you so dependent on the other person that you lose yourself?
It is true that most relationships in which one person is an addict, the other partner will be codependent. The same is true for someone who is narcissistic - they will typically be paired with someone who is codependent. But because codependency exists on a spectrum, there is a healthier version. It usually looks like having empathy and care for others, but not to the extent of self-harm. It also looks like knowing and asserting your needs and wants and having good boundaries in your relationships in order to not lose yourself.
These misconceptions around narcissism and codependency are very common in our culture. The downside is that when something becomes common language it tends to be overused and misused and therefore loses its meaning. We hope this has helped you grasp a better understanding of what the differences are between narcissistic behaviors and a full blown narcissist as well as codependent behaviors and being completely codependent.
Are you having difficulty determining if you might be in a relationship with a narcissist? We encourage you to grab our list of 9 telltale signs that YOU MIGHT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST.
