Facing Your Codependency

Codependents are people who learned that their needs don’t matter and are therefore focused on the needs of others. Problems arise when codependents focus so much on others that their self-neglect becomes detrimental to their own wellbeing and, as a result, their relationships suffer as well.

Because of the nature of codependency, it is difficult to heal. Codependents are often told to focus on themselves and adjust their relationships to make sure their needs are being met. You can see the obvious conundrum – codependents stopped looking inward a long time ago. They are often unaware of their needs and therefore incapable of figuring out how to make sure they can be met. 

Furthermore, codependents often have false needs that again are based on others’ approval of them. For instance, they often feel that they’d like more praise, affection and undivided attention from their partners, children, or friends. While these things are normal to desire from our relationships, codependents want them because without them, they feel incomplete.

In order for healing to happen, we first need to be able to face our codependency – recognize that our nervous system is wired (usually since childhood) to be dependent on others. Only then can we start to notice how we are truly feeling and begin to heal the part of us that was damaged and became dependent on others in the first place.