The Trap of Not Dealing With Your Codependency

Codependency doesn’t seem that bad. Usually codependents are lovely people and people love them. They are caregivers and fixers – always putting others before themselves. The obvious pitfall is if they always put others before themselves, who is taking care of them?

Codependents end up being taken advantage of and allow others to overfill their plate and bleed them dry. The operative word there is allow. One of the hardest lessons for a codependent to learn is that they have the power to change their circumstances and are often choosing, whether consciously or unconsciously, the relationship dynamics that are keeping them stuck. 

Codependents learned to become codependent because of parents who were preoccupied with their own feelings and made their children responsible for them. It was imperative for these children to constantly manage, control or fix circumstances in order to protect their parents feelings. Their ok-ness hinged on their ability to keep their parents ok. 

Learning that their ok-ness cannot be hinged on the ok-ness of those around them is the trap that makes codependency so tough to get out of. They have been feeding off the sense of control they get from managing others’ lives and receiving their devotion in return. There are a lot of ways codependents manage others, but a large driving force becomes anger, resentment and victimhood. This is the trap. They’ve completely given of themselves for others, but then are angry, resentful and victimize themselves because of it… with no one to actually blame but themselves. 

It isn’t until codependents come to terms with this reality that they can heal and change. Their codependency kept them safe in the face of their childhood trauma, but it stopped serving them once they became adults. Accessing their true self and empowerment is possible through detaching from others and healing themselves. Healing is possible.