Understanding your inner child

A little bit of background-

Our brains are designed to heal just like our bodies are designed to heal. This is intuitive to us when we think about getting a cut. As long as you clean a cut, it will heal and there probably won't even be evidence of it later. Right? But if you don't take proper care of the cut at the time of the wound, at best it will heal deformed and at worst it will cause an infection that will then begin to affect other parts of your body.

Our minds work the same way. When we experience overwhelming events in life, those experiences are not able to integrate and they get stuck in our brain like a rock. When our body perceives a similar threat later in life it is like those rocks all light up at once and we get triggered.

Who is my inner child?

Inner child may be one of those therapy terms that is hard to grasp. Especially when we consider ourselves to have had a wonderful, or even just 'not bad' childhood. ⁣We do not have to be in a physically abusive situation as children in order to have attachment ruptures that can influence the relationship we develop with ourselves and the role we play in our relationships.

⁣Think of it like this. 

Your inner child is the innocent, vulnerable, loving, expansive part of you that is damaged in one way or another by events in your childhood. ⁣Your inner child learns to adapt, protect and guard against future damage or negative events.⁣

If you grew up with a parent who was unpredictable or yelled a lot and there were moments that you felt scared and your nervous system was triggered into the fight, flight or freeze, whatever was happening in that moment is going to be stuck in your brain, almost like a rock getting stuck in your brain.

Okay, but now I'm an adult?

Yes, but whatever younger parts of ourselves haven't healed will be triggered by events in the present. As adults we manage this by building awareness of that relationship between our adult self and inner child and then being able to communicate to that younger part that they can trust us now. Just like you might imagine doing for another child in your life. 

For example, if you think about growing up in an environment with unpredictable or angry parents, being in a meeting with an authoritative boss might bring up feelings of powerlessness for you. Now, if you think about being in a meeting with a boss as a four year old or as a 12 year old that experienced the trauma from childhood, that's much scarier than being in a meeting as an adult, as your professional self, right? Whatever younger parts of ourselves haven't healed will get triggered in the present. And that part is typically a much scarier place to live from than if we're able to access our functional adult self.

As an adult building awareness of that relationship and being able to communicate to that younger part that they can trust us now is SO empowering. Just like any relationship it will take time, consistent nurturing & patience. 

Be kind to yourself if you’re embarking on this journey. We are here to support you! 

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