How Do I Know if My Boss Is a Narcissist?

Narcissism is incredibly insidious by nature. It shows up in all kinds of relationships including the workplace. Some studies indicate that doctors and military personnel have higher rates of diagnosed NPD than other professions. However, due to the nature of the disorder, it is still very under-studied and likely rates are much higher than previously identified. Someone does not have to be diagnosed with NPD in order to be displaying significant traits of narcissism in a relationship. 

This is even more damaging when a narcissist holds an actual position of power such as a parent or a boss because they will use that power against you and it can be incredibly difficult to see what is happening in the moment and get out.

Narcissistic bosses will often build you up at first. They can come across as very charming and helpful and often their superiors think the world of them. They then will take opportunities to tear you down. It might happen in small moments where all of a sudden they make you feel like you're crazy or don’t know what you're doing. They may also take opportunities to publicly humiliate you but because they do this to everyone under them, people are too afraid to call it out or leave. They will often make you feel like you need them and wouldn’t be successful without their guidance. Both of these factors make it hard to see the gaslighting in real time, get validation of it, and get the clarity that you need in order to walk away. 

It can be really helpful to talk to people outside of the workplace. Tell a friend or a family member your stories and how you are feeling, and notice their reactions. If gaslighting is occurring, most unbiased people will be able to see the atrocities of their actions and help you get the clarity you need in order to move forward.