Narcissist-Codependent Relationships: The Toxic Yin-Yang Cycle

Typically where you find a narcissist, you will find a codependent. So if you’re googling “is my partner a narcissist?” yes, they probably are. And you could also be looking at what that means about you. 

Most relationships are complementary – there is a yin and yang. For a narcissist, their complementary partner is a codependent. The problem with this is that ‘complementary’ is a flattering word. In reality, the relationship between a narcissist and codependent will tend to keep both partners stuck in a toxic cycle.

Narcissists are attracted to codependents because codependents put others’ needs and wants before their own, they have little to no personal boundaries, and their primary concern is the contentment of their partner. This makes being narcissistic in the relationship easy. Narcissists put their own needs and wants before anyone else’s, they have no regard for boundaries, and their primary concern is their own feelings. 

Typically, children of narcissistic parents end up being codependent and children of codependents are likely to become narcissistic. Our subconscious objective or attraction in romantic relationships is something that mirrors our relationship with one or both parents. This connection is not always obvious. It’s something that our nervous system is wired for from childhood and so we pair with someone who elicits those familiar feelings in our nervous system with the subconscious objective to resolve unfinished business with that parent.

The problem is that without an awareness, bringing what is subconscious to conscious, you are likely to perpetuate the legacy of the narcissistic-codependent toxic cycle rather than resolving it. Awareness is most likely to arise in one of two ways: either healing your childhood trauma and through that work realizing you’re playing it out in your primary relationship; or working on your primary relationship and realizing what you’re participating in is a result of your childhood. 

Breaking the legacy of narcissist-codependent toxicity is not only possible, but when a couple is able to heal together, hold hands and face the challenge of personal and relational growth, the relationship is exponentially stronger and more satisfying than ever.