Categorizing someone as a narcissist, while it may free you from being the victim of their issues, is not always an accurate label. Narcissism exists on a spectrum – from someone with narcissistic personality traits, to someone with  the diagnosable Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The most dangerous form is called malignant narcissism.

Dealing with a narcissist is all about having good boundaries. What better boundary is there than divorce? You end up with a legal agreement that spells out the terms of your boundaries. But what about what it takes to actually get to that agreement?

Narcissism is such a hot topic these days. The way we use narcissism is not just the full-blown, no empathy and no ability to change kind. We consider all forms of narcissism as it exists on a spectrum and people can change if they are willing! One of the ways to conceptualize ourselves and our relationships is using this and other spectrums, like codependency, to understand how we show up in relationships and what we’re paired with or attracted to in our partners.

When most of us think of a narcissist, we think of a man. But men can also be the victims of narcissistic abuse. Their perpetrators can still be men, like their fathers, bosses or partners, but anyone can be narcissistically abusive and anyone can be a victim of narcissistic abuse.

Making the decision to divorce a narcissist is hard enough in and of itself. You have likely already been through years of gaslighting and emotional abuse causing you to question your sanity and becoming a shell of the person you once were. If you have made the choice to leave- congratulations. You are doing an amazing job and have come really far in order to get here.

Narcissists are often drawn to very caring, nurturing people who are willing to put their own needs aside to care for others. This is part of the reason that people remain in narcissistic relationships for so long. In order to set some healthy boundaries or leave the relationship, you are often forced to end up acting in ways that feel very outside of your personality.

So you’ve identified someone in your life has toxic behavior and you think it’s likely they are a narcissist, but you want to make it work? There’s nothing inherently wrong with staying in a relationship with a narcissist, but it does take work.

Narcissism is incredibly insidious by nature. It shows up in all kinds of relationships including the workplace. Someone does not have to be diagnosed with NPD in order to be displaying significant traits of narcissism in a relationship.

True narcissists are not interested in or even capable of real self-reflection. And definitely not change.

Narcissism exists on a spectrum and it can be helpful to identify if your partner has narcissistic tendencies. If they do, it doesn’t mean that they are a full-blown narcissist.

There are internal and external boundaries that can be helpful to keep in mind when dealing with the narcissists in your life or trying to set boundaries with a narcissist in general.

Our bodies automatically remember what felt dangerous in the past in order to help keep us safe in the present. We wanted to help you better understand narcissism and how to set boundaries with the narcissist in your life